I have clearly identified a pattern that is hindering my growth.
I DESIRE something. I ALLOW it and flow towards it.
Then, I freak out and I try to fight and resist what I've created that actually is in alignment with my own dream.
I don't know why -- it either scares me or maybe I don't think I'm worth it? Seriously, if anybody has any insight into why this happens, I really welcome it!
It is odd and unusual. I then go back to paying attention to the absence of what I want, which is depressing, always.
This is definitely one of those posts which acknowledges that I really don't have the answer at all and am asking for insight.
"Wanting in belief is life giving. Wanting in doubt is horrible. You have the choice. It will knock your socks off to let yourself flow towards it..." -Esther Hicks
Linds -
ReplyDeleteMy experience it's unrealistic & ungrounded fear of success. I think I spent SO much time egotistically saying that I am entitled or I deserve such & such which rarely materialized. Then I got sober, and now I strip that away and deserve becomes a way of honoring yourself but it's an uncomfortable shift because of how I used to define that word. It's a work in progress for sure - does that make any sense?
Hi, yes, it does make a LOT of sense. Fear is so subtle and I've best heard it described as a virus which gets into a computer hard drive and corrupts the whole thing. I agree that EGO expansion is different than Source-inspired expansion and it's challenging to decipher between the two when you're new to the game. I agree that's a big benefit of being clean and sober -- it just affords a greater ability to tune into the quiet voice within that knows. That's been my experience so far. It makes me sad and regretful when I sabotage myself but ultimately one of my greatest strengths is my ability to pick myself up, ask for HELP and reconnect to my strengths. I know you to be the same way from what I can tell! Law of Attraction. :) See you in class. x
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